What A Shame!

A satirical submission by Delroy McKenzie

Carbibean Media Corporation announced on Sunday just ahead of the 100 metres final in the World Track and Field Championships, in Berlin, that it had not purchased the rights to television broadcast of the event, at 4pm (actual race time 3.45pm DST). Canadian Broadcasting Corporation had the rights but were only going to show tape delayed coverage as there as an ATP Masters Final being played in Montreal, starting at 1pm. One rather irate Jamaican expatriate had to suffer the stress of listening to the race on the radio over the telephone. Delroy, living in Kingston, heard from Dennis how he enjoyed the race while living in Barbados.
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When people cuss bad wud is fi good reason. Fiwi man, reddy. Gwan, Husain Bolt! A nuh Muslim name, dat? Im did tell de Hamerikan bway, Gay, dat im reddy fi trubble. Jamaykan nuh ha nuh time fi gay bway. Mi an mi fas self did harrange fi tek de humman to som likkle playce dung a sea side. All she did wan do iz watch tennis. Fi shi bway, Rafa, did com bak from hinjury, but im did still luk sick. So, she fix pon de Hinglish bway, Murri. Me did tell shi dat im nuh Hinglish, but im Scattish. She just a say, "Tschoupse!"

So, she did broad off pon di sofa an me did ketch up pon de floor. We did a watch Canhadian televishan an dem did pramise fi broadcas de final bout 4 a clack. Man did a com inna de room nuff time. "What time is the final, y'all?" Me luk at de bredda lik im was cruf. "Dem nah show pon fiyu chanel, CMC. Is Canada we fi go fi see hit," me did scream. De man garn. Den anodda bredda cum. Saym story.

Den my cell ring. "M, whapp'n? Yu fin a chanel?" Me hear me bredrin a cuss reel bad, an a warra dis an a warra dat. Nex minute, mi get anadda call. "Yes, M. Yu a watch de race? Yu a wat? Yu listen pan raydho? Tschoupse! Is wha kinna country yu all a run? All a unnu a push up ches like peacok an all unnu cyan do is put de race pon raydho? Yu shudda shayme!" But me listen while im a put de fone nex to fi im raydho. Bolt win! Yes! To de worl!! Mi ang up de call. "Man. Fi wi bredda win, an Asafa get terd. Praise Jesus!" Me ear mi man start fi cry heye wata an a wimpa like im is puppy.

A whole year wi ha wait--to de day. Fi wi yute brek de rekard again. Dis time, 9.58. A numba dat! We nah figget.

An fi de wutless jankro dem dat dem call CMC? Dem can rot in Hell! A so yu luv de Carrybeen?

I jus talk to my daddy pon de telephone an de man a tell me ow im a watch race since 2 a clack inna mawnin. Tschoupse! Me don wan ear nuttin bout no Caribbean one ness. A pur nutting ness.