What leadership means: I want to be your friend

An "affiliative leader" tries to create rapport with and within his or her team, and shows concern about the person rather than the job. It is most important to create harmony in the team so that they all like one another. This is the latest style of leadership discussed in The Times.

But when does it work well? First, don't over do it. It could work well if you are leading a team of professionals who are all experts in their field; you may need to spend more time making sure that they all get along and are happy than in ensuring that they do their jobs. A bit of smoothing the egos. But it can work as an "icebreaker". If you have ever started a meeting with a few moments of chitchat or asked your colleagues how their weekend went, you have used the affiliative style.

But it is not good in a crisis or when performance issues need to be addressed or if used for too long when major changes are afoot, such as when a takeover is about to happen. In small doses it could help people through the initial pain of a major change but if taken too far it will stop them from accepting that change is inevitable. If overused, it could demotivate, lead to underperformance and eventual disappearance of high performers frustrated by a lack of recognition for their efforts and a lack of performance management for the team’s slackers.

But affiliative leaders don't like it if you refuse to play the game; they don't like criticism of their supportive, friendly approach. Sounds like they need a friend.

But you can stay in the good books by starting a discussion with your boss and explain that what you really need to feel happy and satisfied at work is detailed feedback, more responsibility, the chance to be seconded to a different department – or whatever it is that you’re looking for to help you to get ahead. That way you get a win-win situation. Sounds easy.