BlackBerry...CrackBerry?

If you have ever lived in England you wont have any difficulty with the next few sentences, which are from an imaginary encounter.

Voice: Cum 'ere, mate. I got sumin fo' yo'. Tek a look, eh? Neat innit?
Innocent: W'as 'at? A vidya game?
Voice: Nah! New tech', mate. Cuttin' edge. Brilliant. Dey call i' BlackBerry.
Innocent: But wha' yo' do wiv it?
Voice: Be in touch, mate, 24-7. Neva orf.
Innocent: Whe' yo' ged it?
Voice: My boss, mate. Need to be in touch. Crisis. Never kno' when the sky's gonna fall.
Innocent: But wha' I do, I do at mi desk at work. I go' a compyuah. Wireless an' all. Enough innit?
Voice: Nah, mate. Too long to boot up. All dat Windows rubbish. Dis is instant, like coffee.
Innocent: But i's gonna ring all de time.
Voice: Pu' i' on vibrate. Yo' kno'. Like a sex toy! Watch it move on yo' table, like i's got legs.








Innocent: Creepy!
Voice: Serious now. When yo' wiv yo' missus an' havin' a bit o' quiet quality time, yo' kno'. You watchin' Arsenal, she's readin' her Marfa Stewart. It ain' goin' spoil nuffin. When yo' wan' go to tak' a leak, tak' de Berry wiv ya, check yo' messages, don' waste time. If you need to sit down den you can do de reply fing.
Innocent: Yeh. Right. Wha' dey call dozey geezers at a rest'ran', a' 'e movies, little screen glowin', fingers tappin', like dey got St. Vitus dance? Crackers, o' wha'eva. I don' kno'. I don' fink I'm ready for dat. Bit too sofisticated fo' me. I'm a pleb', yo' know. I'd rather stay with my two telephones, one fo' personal, one fo' work.
Voice: Yo' could have two, even three Berries, too, mate. Like dat Fenty geezer, de mayor in Washington. Your choice, mate. Yo' don' kno' wha' yo' missin'.