Batty As A Fruitcake!

Jamaica has enough of an international image problem with its uncompromisingly hostile attitude towards homosexuality. Its prime minister proudly proclaimed on BBC television last year that no Cabinet of his would have anyone who had come out of the closet. Bruce, almighty, indeed.

Just a few weeks ago, a fellow Parliamentarian, Ernie Smith, was railing against homosexuals. Just to help your memory, Mr. Smith MP, in mid-February, performed the following acts:

• Called for gay rights group Jamaica Forum for Lesbians, All-sexuals and Gays (J-FLAG) to be outlawed;
• Charged in Parliament that homosexuals were violent and that the police force was overrun with gays. Mr. Smith has since apologised to the police;
• Called on the director of public prosecutions to investigate J-FLAG with a view to having the group charged for conspiracy to corrupt public morals.
  

But guess what? Mr. Smith needs to earn some money to feed himself and his dependents. Nothing odd about that. He works as a lawyer. Right, as do many politicians. So? Well, Mr. Smith had a day in court (February 23) and the case involved buggery. Oh, yeah! Fire and burning in the court house! But, it was not the kind disliked by the MP--not mano-a-mano. It was a bit of 'family business', with cousin-on-cousin, mind you, and mano-a-womano (see Gleaner report March 10). Shame! But, Mr. Smith was defending the accused! He was bending over backwards, it seems, to exercise his professional rights to defend someone because "I am a professional person; anyone who confides in me and believes in me that I will properly represent them in any case, provided I take the case, I give that person my 100 per cent expertise," proclaimed the learned Smith.

Now, my sense of humour can be a bit warped, some people think. But, did this case have to be heard by Justice Leighton Pusey (which I think is pronounced "lay it on pussy"--tell me it ain't so)?

What was even funnier, is so strident was Mr. Smith in defence of his client in the St Ann Circuit Court that although pleading guilty to the charge, the accused was able to walk away with just a suspended sentence. Well, break out the champagne. Bottoms up!

Wags, including the Gleaner reporter, cannot resist pointing out that Mr. Smith 'might just have become the butt of a new round of jokes'.

Clearly, Mr. Smith only gives a bugger about homosexuals not about buggery. He and Jamaica's PM would have us believe that homosexuals are near to taking over the world (see Gleaner report on March 4). The PM (perhaps using Parliamentary privilege) saw "gay advocates as...perhaps the most organised lobby in the world" and "we are not going to yield to the pressure, whether that pressure comes from individual organisations, individuals, whether that pressure comes from foreign governments or groups of countries, to liberalise the laws as it relates to buggery." It's amazing to think that gays are more powerful than drug companies, those selling arms, the tobacco industry, the liquor industry, the government of Zimbabwe, Russia, and others. Bugger me, Bruce! That sounds like nonsense.

In the Parliamentary discussion, Mr. Smith was one of those MPs seeking stiffer penalties for buggery. He must be beaming now.

The bottom is not falling out of Jamaica because of gays. Unless they have been the ones borrowing billions for years and somehow not using that to develop the country. Unless they are the leaders of gangs and killers of women and children. If they are, then the solution is clear. But, if not, give us a break!